Dating someone who was your friend first is a pretty great thing. Opportunities are, youve already seen one another at best and at worst. When youre friends first, you get to skip over the awkward getting to know you stage and jump right into the good stuff.
Unfortunately, when you start out as friends, you know some things that other people might not ever know about their significant other. If youve ever dated someone who was in your friend group, “youre supposed to” know what Im about to say.
You know about the people who went before you.
My boyfriendnever dated in the group until he fulfilled me, so I know all about who went before me.
Our friends will make gags about it, Ill make gags about it and eventually itll go away.It helps that were distant from the girls before me I dont assure them and they dont assure me. Ill be honest, they probably dislike me and think I was into him the whole period we told we were just friends.
The truth is, I genuinely wasnt into him and we were just friends, I was into someone else. His best friend.
Yup, thats right. Its not the people that went before me that make our relations complicated, its members of the public who went before him.
For the sake of the story, lets call his roommate Chris. Chris and I had been an on-again-off-again thing for most of the spring semester of my senior year of college. In all the months that we expended staying up all night and sharing secret intimate moments that he never wanted to admit happened, I never knew how he actually felt.
I was always to scared to tell him what I was supposing or how I was feeling because he was difficult. He was difficult to understand, he was difficult to talk to and he was difficult to fall for, but somehow I managed to do it. I genuinely liked Chris.
One day, a friend of ours made a comment that she was on my squad, basically if he brought any other daughter around, she would still be rooting for me. To the best of the best of my knowledge there was no one else where reference is and I were in our strange limbo.
But the minute the working group started to push for us to actually get together, he did exactly what I was afraid he would do. He slept with person else. And you know what? Thats fine. We werent dating, we werent exclusive and he could do basically do whatever he wanted to do.
But I always told, If he sleeps with someone else, were done.And so we were.
I was a mess, but a gathered mess. A calm and internal mess, hidden away from our reciprocal friends. The one person who find through my calm and collected present was his best friend, who rapidly became one of my best friends too.When I was a mess of confusion and hurt, he was the one who picked up all of the pieces.
I never thought of him as more than a friend, but then we were more than just friends. We were best friends, who, out of something that really sucked, has declined in love with each other.
Dating my boyfriend is hands-down one of the best things that has ever happened to me, butbeing withhis best friend before him is probably one of the worst to happen to us.
I still assure Chris pretty often and Im always frightened that where there is nothing, my boyfriend will still see something. He was whoI confided in about Chris, I told him pretty much every detail of our romance and he knew exactly how I felt.
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Because of this, it took me a while to indicate my boyfriend that none of my feelings for Chris were left. But sometimes Im frightened he still doesnt believe me.
At first, Chris seemed vexed at my new relationship. He actedlike “were in” both desperate, and I objective up falling into this patched up relationship. But that couldnt be more incorrect. Truthfully, the entire period I was pining over Chris I was basically dating his best friend. I mean , not literally, but I was doing all of the things I should have been doing with Chris, with my current boyfriend.
Me and my current boyfriend were the ones going out to dinner, watching movies and texting 24/7. We were always together and Chris and I just werent.I fell in love with my boyfriend long before Chris ended what we had, I just didnt realize it at the time.
My boyfriend blames all of Chris negativity of our relationship on what happened before we dated. Deep down, I suppose my boyfriend is scared that his best friend is realizing he pushed away something that could have been incredible. To be honest, it causes tension.
Knowing who my boyfriend was with me before me is so hard, I cant imagine what knowing he dated my best friend before me would be like. This situation has been something weve genuinely had to work through as a couple because it plays on both of our insecurities.
At the end of the day though, Chris brought me to my current boyfriend and if that needed to happen for me to be with him and to feel the happiness I feel now, then Im happy. I can truly tell Im dating my best friend and Im lucky that I am.
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